i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
please come you make the beer taste better
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
