Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
