There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
