pop tarts are not kleenex
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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