In the future we'll all be gay
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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