The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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