Its about making memories worth repressing
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize