im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
