ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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