I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
