you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
