My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
