i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
