Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
