we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize