Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
