I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
