just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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