shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
