so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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