it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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