Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
