Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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