Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
