i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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