it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
