So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Randomize
