At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
