you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
