sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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