I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
