Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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