Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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