I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Its about making memories worth repressing
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
