He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
