If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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