Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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