I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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