you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
