I look better un-naked...
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize