I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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