I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
