When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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