I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
