I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
