But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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