I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
