Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
