In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
