He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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