Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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