Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
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