it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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