i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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