Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
