i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
