Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I wish you could order shots online.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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