mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
