Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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