The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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