You really coming over, don't trick.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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