I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize