My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
