The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
