I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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