Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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