it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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