My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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