you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
