i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
