He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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