Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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