i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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