dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize