hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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