Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
