can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
