In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Randomize
