No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
