When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I got inside last night via doggy door
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