Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
