we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
