Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
