i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
