So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
