It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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