It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
