forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
