I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize