I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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