I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
honey bunches of taint.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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