I wish my penis had an off switch
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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