No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
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