You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
